Bruce Wayne Opposes Lifting Patents On Life Saving Joker Gas Vaccines

By Andrew Ivimey

(Satire)

In a never ending parade of bad news out of Gotham, cases of Joker Gas infection are on the rise again.


“Every time we get the numbers under control there’s a new spike as things like museums, amusement parks, and live talk show tapings return,” said Gotham police Commissioner Jim Gordon. Just this week the entire audience at a Jimmy Fallon show taping tested positive for Joker Gas.


“We knew something was wrong when people started laughing hysterically because that’s never happened at one of our tapings before,” explained a producer of the show. “They were easily our best crowd... for a little while. Then it was like, whoa too much!”

Two different vaccines for Joker Gas exist, currently owned by Wayne Tech and its competitor LexCorp. Critics of Wayne Tech claim that who these restrictive patents hurt most is the underprivileged and impoverished, which makes up 98% of the population in Gotham. Despite somehow always receiving the first vaccine dose billionaire Bruce Wayne claims that releasing intellectual property is not the answer to equitable vaccine distribution.


“It’s not intellectual property that’s the problem, it’s money,” says Wayne. “Wayne Tech has money, but also needs those billions of dollars, tax credits, and government funding or else who would distribute the vaccines? Doctors instead of Batman? How would that even work? Doctors don’t even have branded bat-needles. And whose stock would inflate, general people stock? There’s no stock for people, there is stock for WayneTech, and that’s what’s important.”

Bruce Wayne Injecting His 80th Joker Gas Vaccine of the Year. Credit Olsen Photography

Wayne Tech’s vaccine distribution has also been under fire because most health experts advised prioritizing those over 60 years of age. Bruce Wayne however has prioritized “athletic orphans” in his rollout leaving many baffled why, and some confused how to even enforce that.


Some also point out confusion in how to receive the vaccine from Batman.


“I’ve been beaten up by Batman eight times,” career henchman Jimmy Fat Hands told reporters. “But I haven’t been vaccinated by him even once. I may be a criminal but that’s a high risk job for Joker gas!”

At the time of writing we reached out to billionaire Lex Luthor of LexCorp about waiving his company’s vaccine patents, but unfortunately he was unavailable for comment as Mr. Luthor prepares to host SNL this weekend with musical guest Music Meister.



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