Iron Fist Wonders When Marvel Will Call (They Won’t)

By Andrew Ivimey

(Satire)

In an impressive display of patience and naive optimism, Danny Rand, the hero also known as Iron Fist, has reportedly spent the past several years hopefully sitting by the phone so he doesn’t miss a call from any Avengers.


“It’s been a long process but I heard that the higher-ups are finally starting to notice us New York guys,” said Danny. “Kingpin is feuding with Hawkeye and Matt’s taking cases again. I know there’s a market for guys like me. I was just watching The Wheel Of Time and they had a guy named Rand with a dragon backstory. I’M A GUY NAMED RAND WITH A DRAGON BACKSTORY! How did I not get a call for that? Did they see my reel?”


Danny sent us his reel to accompany this story and we have chosen not to run it.

Our correspondence with Danny was via email because he wanted “to keep the phone line free.” When asked if he had call-waiting Danny said, “Yeah, but I don’t trust that. I learned the hard way to only use one app at a time. This one time I was trying to open my calendar on my cell phone, but a call came in, and the ignore button was in the same place as the calendar icon, so I accidentally ignored the call. That could have been the call! That could have been Shang-Chi with a question about dragons! And the worst part was I didn’t even have anything IN my calendar.”


This recent surge of foolish optimism was largely caused by the resurgence of Daredevil and his nemesis Kingpin.


“I’m back and it’s like I never left,” Daredevil told us. “I’m working on some big public cases right now and I’m hopeful I’ll see my other friends, like Jessica and Luke.”

When asked if he had any interest in working with Iron Fist again, Daredevil said, “Absolutely! I’d love to work with Colleen Wing, she’s awesome … but if you mean Danny, then no. I mean, just look at this group text.”


Daredevil sent us this screenshot:

Daredevil confirmed that Jessica, Luke, and even Frank Castle have started a new group thread without Danny.

 

MORE YOU MIGHT LIKE


If you enjoy our content please consider supporting us on Patreon.