Apparently Everyone Got Up At Dawn To Watch The Mandalorian Except You

By Diana McCallum

(Satire)

Tragedy struck this morning when a local man woke up at his usual time of 8am and discovered he was the only person alive who hadn’t watched the season finale of The Mandalorian yet.


“It was pretty shocking because 8am is still pretty early, but spoilers were already trending on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, people were yelling about it outside my window, somebody hired a skywriter. I really felt like the only one who hadn’t seen it, and then I got a notification from Disney+ confirming that I actually was the only one who hadn’t seen it. They wanted to know if I was okay. I was asleep. It had only been out for 8 hours!”


The man claimed he had been planning to watch the finale after work and says he faced ridicule from the internet for his decision. Twitter user “JustScumNoRebel” was one of the many who freely posted spoilers for the finale and mocked the man for not watching it sooner.


“Everyone knows there is only one way to watch Star Wars,” they said. “And that is alone before dawn, half-asleep, squeezing it in before you have to shower for work. It’s the classic Star Wars experience all fans crave.”


The man says he has been traumatized and was shocked to see people tweeting huge spoilers first thing in the morning that ruined his viewing experience.


“I couldn’t believe how many people only cared about themselves with no regard for how their actions would hurt others,” the man said before getting onto a subway car full of people not wearing masks despite the ongoing pandemic. “I thought the world was a better place than that, you know.”


The man has since watched the finale and agrees that despite everything it was great.


The Mandalorian complete Season 2 has now been removed from Disney+ since everyone already saw it. This is the way.

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