Senator Kelly Condemns Mutant Protestors That Attacked The Robots Sent To Kill Them

By Andrew Ivimey

(Satire)

After weeks of anti-Sentinel protests across the nation, US Senator Robert Kelly, who is in charge of the mutant policing group known as Sentinels, says they are not to blame for mutant rioting. In a press conference Kelly said that, “Yes, when it comes to Sentinels there are a few bad apples in the bunch, but I don’t know the rest of that expression.”

Tensions have mounted after many US cities imposed a curfew and dispatched 20 ft. tall Sentinels equipped with giant lasers and military grade weapons to ensure the protests remain peaceful. Kelly spoke to the media saying the only way to ensure thugs don’t damage anything is to send in the giant metal destruction machines being protested against.

“We have no choice but to arrest these protestors for being out after curfew or else they’ll just keep protesting, and we really want them to stop.”

Senator Kelly was quick to note that everyone arrested was out past curfew and therefore legally detained. When it was pointed out that protestors were only out past curfew because the Sentinels blocked off roads so people couldn’t get home, Senator Kelly agreed that yes, the Sentinels are very good at that.

Videos have surfaced of Sentinels using excessive violence, such as pushing over a 75 year old mutant and firing “non-lethal” laser beams into a peaceful crowd. This sparked outrage with many critics claiming there’s no such thing as a ‘non-lethal’ laser beam.

The question of systemic oppression of mutants has been a large conversation across the nation but Bolivar Trask, the creator, engineer, and primary profiteer of The Sentinels, claims that while the Sentinel computer system is designed to hunt mutants, that alone isn’t enough to prove any systemic prejudice towards mutants. Trask in a corporate mission statement claimed “If anything these protests are proof we need MORE funding for Sentinels. Most cities only give my corporation 60% of their budget for Sentinels but if they increase that funding to 70% I can upgrade the Sentinels with cameras they will absolutely turn off and maybe reform their programming to simply capture a disproportionate number of mutants instead of killing a disproportionate number of mutants.”

But some media has actually been on the side of the Sentinels. Daily Bugle publisher J. Jonah Jameson ran a special edition of the newspaper dedicated to the good Sentinels. Despite harsh criticism that it’s just Sentinel approved propaganda, this week's Daily Bugle featured a cover photo showing Sentinels marching and kneeling with the mutant protestors. The Daily Bugle however did not editorialize about the fact that once curfew hit those same Sentinels arrested as many mutants as possible and fired military grade weapons upon them because of the threat of “protestors with water bottles.” When asked about the cover story Jameson said, “I think it’s important New Yorkers see there are good Sentinels too, pillars of the community, who are always friendly whenever the press is looking.”

Many in the US Government are showing support for the protestors in Congress by wearing belts with a big X on them. Task Force Commander Everett Ross, General Stryker, Mayor Wilson Fisk, General Darkstone Ross, and Senator Norman Osborne all wore one as a sign of solidarity. When asked if they support defunding the Sentinel program all said they’d give serious thought on how they’ll say no to that quietly once this all blows over. For now they’re doing everything they can for this photo op.

Meanwhile General Darkstone Ross is trying to get presidential approval to hand oversight of the protests over to the military and the calm hands of Red Hulk.

#XMen #Marvel #Satire