New Mutants Cast Reunites to Celebrate 20 Years of Movie Not Being Released Yet

By Diana McCallum and Andrew Ivimey (Satire)

X-Men fans young and old alike were treated to a surprise this week when the cast of New Mutants reunited on Zoom to celebrate the 20th Anniversary of the film still not being released.


“It’s exciting for us all to see each other again since we’ve never had a Red Carpet for the movie, or a press tour, or any indication that it will ever actually come out,” said star Maisie Williams, now 37 years old. “But we did film it, I’m pretty sure. It’s getting a little fuzzy. I was a teenager at the time but there are certainly trailers for the movie, and it sure looks like how I used to look. It’s probably me, I don’t really remember.”

The biggest surprise of the whole thing had to be that the cast bothered to reunite at all as most comic book fans had forgotten the movie even existed.


“Oh yeah, that,” said Comicbook.com in their coverage.


When reached for comment about her superhero movie, actor Anya Taylor-Joy said, “Working on Split was great, James McAvoy can be intense but he’s lovely to work with” seemingly forgetting she was in New Mutants at all.


“I guess this might come out sometime,” said the official Marvel Entertainment Twitter account in a reply to the New Mutants announcement (which they did not bother to retweet).


IGN also covered the reunion, noting, “This Zoom call is more footage of the cast than we’ve ever seen before. Until now we thought we were being gaslit about this even existing, being told it’s real when it isn’t. A reverse gaslighting? An oil lamp? We don’t know what that would be called, this is new territory.”

Of course there has been some news regarding the movie in the years since it was filmed. The one fan watching the reunion asked the cast how they felt about the title Old Mutants?


“Haha, that would be kind of funny,” 43-year old Charlie Heaton joked, running a hand through his now balding hair, “maybe they should change it to that. Oh, they did? It’s called Old Mutants now? Yeah that makes sense.”


Old Mutants is currently scheduled to be released “whenever we get around to it” according to the latest press release from Marvel, though several Disney execs told us, “We may have to delay that as well.”

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