Meet the New DCEU, Nevermind That’s Been Cancelled Too

By Andrew Ivimey

(Satire)

New President and CEO of Warner Bros. Discovery, David Zaslav, has been under fire recently as several movies were wiped from existence on the HBO+ streaming platform and upcoming releases like Batgirl have been canceled despite being near completion. An industry insider working within the DC films told us “David [Zaslav] on his first day on the job simply Thanos snapped a bunch of films out of existence… man, how good are those MCU movies? Real cultural touchstones.”


Despite the slashes to their current film lineup, the WB Discovery exec attempted to calm fans by insisting they have a 10 year plan for DC films. This marks the 5th time they’ve told the public this in 2 decades. However, we’ve obtained internal documents that seem to layout the so-called “plan” for the new DCEU.



The only thing certain for the future of WB Discovery and its slate of DC films is that the Dwayne Johnson led project Black Adam will be going ahead with its release and likely several sequels. As well as sequels to the Super Pets series, basically anything The Rock touches. Another WB exec who wishes to remain anonymous explained the reason for this.


“We were having an executive meeting about which films to cancel. The Rock came into the meeting uninvited and Rock bottomed an intern through the conference table while making unbroken eye contact with us. Then he just left. We’re not sure what it meant but we’re too scared to cancel any of his projects now.”


Sources close to The Rock confirm he will also be playing Batman now.


 

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